| going to turn off comment replies. this is all just storage for all of everything |
[21 Nov 2010|08:32pm] |
crap. i was telling patrick he had to update just a few days ago and i dunno why but i didnt even realize i had to too so here goes. it was my sons birthday yesterday and we had a party at his grandparents house which was a lot of fun. i love seeing him grow up and as much as i loved being a part of fob or being a part of black cards like i am now i really like the time i have with my family. i am still young enough to do what i want but i dont want to be one of those guys that blinks and like his kid is all grown up and he wonders where all that time went. so i def am taking advantage of all the time i can with ash and bronx. as he gets older we get to see him react more and understand things that are going on for the holidays. and i think once you become an adult and you have a kid of your own holidays are almost actually more fun than they were when you were a kid. making bronx happy and his face light up makes me happy. cant wait to see the lil guy on christmas- i think this year itll be more than being fascinated by the lights and the wrapping paper and the box itself and maybe more the presents inside. pretty stoked about that. also looking forward to thanksgiving with the family- gotta hopefully figure out a way to either have a thanksgiving with my parents and then ashlees or get everyone together in one place. i dunno i just love the holidays. thank you to everyone too that sent bday gifts bronxs way- hes currently sitting in a pile of toys on the living room floor happy as a clam. one that still has its pearl btw.
but since other than that i have no clue what else to really talk about and left myself with probably only a few hours to get this done- i am going to use some of the questions i helped patrick with by finding for this update. again for real it should be known that i did not make the ones in his entry up or these.
If you had 3 wishes, what wouldn't you wish for?
nothing that can be twisted around into something bad. you know where the person wishes for a million dollars and then his mom dies and she had a million dollar life insurance policy? i think i am actually happy enough right now that i wouldnt know what to wish for. can you save them for later? all i really want is all my loved ones to stay healthy and happy- and until i figure out a way to ask for that that wont end up in someone hurt i dont think i will be using any wishes haha. can you tell that movies have ruined wishes for me?
You've just won a complete collection of movies starring one actor or actress - which actor or actress would you pick?
harrison ford without a doubt. or brad pitt. but harrisons been in a lot of good ones... movies sometimes are good just because brad pitt is in them and nothing else. who would you pick?
If someone told you that you only had exactly 9 minutes to live, what would you do in those 9 minutes?
someone? like unless it was like my doctor id make a face and walk away- then proceed to live longer than 9 minutes. if it was like some dude in a dark alley and he had a gun id ask him why he was going to make me wait 9 minutes to shoot me- if like he was just killing time before he killed me. if it would be too dangerous to shoot off his gun right now because someone would hear... but in 9 minutes nobody would hear and the coast would be clear? yes this is how my brain "works".
If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be?
star wars because technically thats 6 parts and each part is like 3 hours long so id never get sick of that (haha- gotta outsmart the man) and then id have to pick a home movie me and ashlee make because im sure when im like 80 and cant enjoy her like i used to ill want to look back at when i could. and pretty much watch it all day.
Name something you wanted as a child but never got.
i think the biggest was a gi joe aircraft carrier and the second i had any money from fob i bought one off ebay. those things are seriously not cheap.
If you could go back in time and prevent a great catastrophe, which one would you prevent?
this question is always great. what one could you really prevent other than the holocaust? and if you prevented it how would it change the world and how we are today- would i even be here? would my wife and my son? thats why as tempting as it is to think about those "what ifs" things happen for a reason- even cruel things. watch desperation its a good display of that- this guy ran out of a bar selfishly knowing there was a bomb in the bathroom and he ran without warning anyone to save himself. if he warned anyone everyone might panic and clog the exit. but then thinking back on it he wanted to be able to warn people. but obviously you cant go back. instead that knowledge helps him do the right thing when something else happens later on in the movie. i dunno ive always been a firm believer in things happening for a reason to lead to something else.
If you went to a beach and it turned out to be a nude beach, would you stay and go swimming?
no way its common knowledge that pretty much only ugly people are nudists.
If you had one motto to live by, what would it be?
hungry? why wait. (what? its almost lunch and it smells good)
and just one more for this entry:
Name one thing that you could never grow tired of.
time with my family. and talking. ask anyone that knows me- i never get sick of talking.
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[24 Oct 2010|11:42pm] |
there is actually a lot i can talk about so i figure i might as well while i have it on my mind instead of putting it off and the update not coming to me later on when i need it to. the only problem is i am kinda feeling a little out of it so it prob isnt the best time to try to update. i have been sick the past few days now which sucks because i dont want to have to perform half assed or feel like i am not giving it my all when the black cards shows come up. hopefully sleeping a lot on the flight over and pretty much drinking nyquil will help. so expect a really boring update- this is my apologizing ahead of time to those of you that attempt to read all of this crap. i sort of have been working on this on and off this weekend.
some good news is i think things are sort of dying down with the whole fob thing- i think people are finally starting to understand we really are on a break and theres no hard feelings but we are all doing our own thing now. so does this mean am i any less of a monster to them or blamed less in the whole situation? i dunno yet but at least i can check my @replies without 50 of the same tweet in a row calling me every name in the book that you can fit in 140 characters. my favorite actually had to be when people were using fall out boy lyrics against me- like i can understand being upset or sad that your favorite band was taking a break/seemed to be over but it was all just kind of surreal. but i dont mind being the villian if it means nobody starts throwing patrick or joe or andy or anyone else under the bus- especially my wife. i would have been pretty livid if people had started in on that again. like ive always said i am and will always remain fall out boys #1 fan through it all- but you gotta admit... this band sounds pretty amazing. have you checked them out yet? its joe and andy from fobs new band called "the damned things". eventually patrick will have a solo cd out and of course my project is going to be doing a few shows overseas this week.
the three shows in the us on the east coast for black cards went even better than i would have hoped they did. bebe was a great choice for singer and a lot of fans are coming out to support the shows- it sounds weird to say this but more than i realized we had. a lot of the fans from fall out boy are sort of being reluctant to try out the new sound of black cards. i guess i was overestimating the situation- how many people showed up and wanted to meet me after the show basically makes me feel like i am not as irrelevant as i joke around about being. felt good to see all the support and i will always be grateful for it.
so enough about the band. i also have to mention my home life- couldnt be happier there which i think is pretty obvious. lil dude turns 2 soon next month and by my side through every decision i make i have the most amazing wife possible being supportive of me. cant even say how great it is to have someone that gets my sense of humor and how my head works- probably moreso than i do. i know the saying goes "you dont know what you got til its gone"- but its more like "you dont know what you are missing until you have it." i lived most of my life wondering if i would ever find someone who got into the same things as me or at least wouldnt mind giving them a shot for my sake. i never thought id find someone who found my sense of humor funny and was on the same page as me. someone id want to hang out with more than anyone else- if i have a chance to go to a movie or an event i want it to be with her. i kinda like the person i am when i am with her- she makes me a better person. every gossip blog seems so shocked me and ash are actually married together and happy still but we are. no tricks up our selves. we just hit it off and got married for the right reasons and i am not one to walk away or give up ever. so if you are looking for a headline you wont find it here. dont expect to see us over soon- or ever.
and finally- these arent as entertaining when someone isnt calling me fugly or saying they hate me in all capitals... but i still had to post a few. until next update... xoxo pete
(please note all twitter names have been changed to protect the real ppl)
starwriter23: i am the #WORST fan ever...had no idea @petewentz had a new band #theblackcards ...i need a moment kinda sad im out the loop this much
i dont- its not "the" black cards.. just black cards. over the whole "the" thing. remember when for a while every band had the word 'the' in their title?
Cassmyazz5: @myhopelisheart i woke up the other day and completely lost my love for @petewentz...
i do this only with keys and my mind. do you lose love? how do you really lose your love for someone without having misused the word?
myhopelisheart: @beberexha @petewentz @blackcards Why all the references to Heaven/Hell in your songs?
obsessed with what i dont have answers to- knowing what i cant know.
misspadeliciouz: @petewentz i'll meet you in Europe and you can pass your head cold germs onto me ;)
wowza. someone just said they want me to get them sick. seriously?
MegJim100: @petewentz I miss Fall Out Boy heaps. You made me smile :) you should at least record 1 more song and make it over 5 minutes long. Please :)
soo we should come back as a hair band with a monster ballad?
TinaSimpson: Happy Birthday to most amazing man I know!!! Bronx is 1 year old...what a love and joy he is! Thanks@ashsimpsonwentz@petewentz!
this was old but someone recently retweeted it so it showed up- just a preview of what an amazing family i am a part of now. always been a fan of tina- shes had my back the whole time i was whining and dining her daughter.
leedsndeeds4: i'm Miss America, i'm Mr. UK, I got nothing to confess, YEAH! Come in nd get me! @xsavagistx @petewentz @trohman @patrickstump ^^ love this.
knew people were mishearing it as that- crap haha
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| happy 26th birthday ashlee wentz |
[03 Oct 2010|12:00am] |
i might have fudged the time just a smidge (not just cause its east coast time but perfectly at midnight? yeah right like that happens) but i wanted to make sure to be the first to wish you a happy birthday like this- and as soon as i post this i am going to find you and wrap my arms around you and not let go for a super long time. and man i am really really excited to get to write this- it means you spent a whole nother year of your life with me- and you are about to spend another one. i love getting a chance to try to show you how much you mean to me. you arent just a part of my life- you really are my life. my better half and soulmate. you are the best thing that has ever happened to me by far baby. i dont know how many times i can say that before it sounds like a line to get your pants off but it never is. its just a bonus your pants usually come off when im being romantic haha. but i mean it completely.
you are talented, smart, gorgeous, hilarious, and probably the best person to hang out with i have ever met. even before we dated and got married we had the best time hanging out together- and there is no one else id rather watch movies with (even chick flicks because i can mock it and you laugh with me instead of getting pissy) and do new things with. you are definitely my partner in crime and every time i hear something the first person i wanna tell it to is you. i think thats how marriage is supposed to be- youre supposed to want to share everything with your spouse. either way thank you for always listening and being the most amazing wife i could ask for. i think you are brilliant in everything you do and you are the most real and down to earth person i have ever met. when you met me you could have been a snob or rolled your eyes at me- sometimes when i think back on it all im a little shocked you didnt. i really wanted to impress you and several years later i still do. just because you are my wife and married to me doesnt mean you are stuck with me- so i want to spend the rest of my life making you feel as wanted, needed, and as loved as you really are.
when you came into my life you gave me hope- the fact i actually attracted you and caught your eye. me. i got your attention. this loser from chicago that didnt have any luck in love at all. turns out the problem was i had never really experienced love before i met you. you saw something in me no one else ever had looked for or tried to. i seriously have like no self esteem and i dont think a lot of people realize that. i used to even hate myself. but youve given me several reasons to think im a pretty okay person- and youve made me one in the process. seeing myself through your eyes makes me think maybe i am not all that bad.
without you and without bronx i dont know where i would be- or if i would even be here typing this up for you right now. i think the best part of my life is knowing you are under the same roof as me- that i now have a little family of my own to take care of and protect. its such a huge responsibility and every single thing i do you two are at the front of my mind when i make those decisions- at least i try to make it that way. i have faltered and made a few bad choices but then this voice in the back of my head reminds me who and what is really important to me and it snaps me out of whatever dumb decisions i was about to make or just did- such as getting punched in the face. should have definitely thought that one out more.
you two are my family. growing up i never realized what a big deal it was or what exactly my parents were going through to raise me. around the time when you told me about our little guy i didnt think i would have a family for another 5 to 10 years. i just didnt see myself being a good husband or a good father but you gave me motivation to become one. i wanted to be a better person, the type of guy you deserved to be with. i didnt want to let you go to find someone else who deserved you and could treat you right- i knew i could step up and be that guy. now watching you grow into this amazing mother and perfect wife blows my mind. you have the biggest heart of anyone i know and i get to spend the rest of my life protecting it from ever hurting again. i cannot believe how lucky i am to have you in my life- to be 31 and have found my soulmate young enough to enjoy a full life with her. i get goosebumps and butterflies thinking about it- about whats still to come and whats already came by us.
i hope this year is a lot better for us than the past year. i hope that it doesnt feel so much like you are raising two children instead of one- but you really put up with a lot to be with me and to stick with me and i hope you know how much i appreciate it. whenever im feeling depressed you dont pull away- you pull me closer. i cant think of anyone else in my life that has ever done that for me. i think anyone should be grateful to have you in their life as a friend or at all. im blessed to have you in my life as my other half. there is no way in the world anyone else out there would finish my sentences for me, pull me out of my bad moods, get my sense of humor and put up with my weird moods where i barely make any sense. i can be myself with you and you still love me. thank you for spending your life with me ashlee- i hope what i have planned for your birthday doesnt disappoint.
i love you more than i can say because any words i can use someone else already said before to someone else and you deserve so much more than that. you are the most unique person and such a perfect fit for me- you deserve the best of everything baby. it frustrates me sometimes that as much as i have a way with words you leave me speechless and stuttering, trying to find the exact way to describe and say how i feel about you. you are one of a kind and so is this love. or, maybe this is what love really is when people finally find it- either way i am just glad we have it and that i have you. i want to spend the rest of my life falling asleep with you in my arms and waking up to your hair (extensions) all over my pillows. happy birthday baby- i love you
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| survey time |
[23 Sep 2010|03:34pm] |
Do you love yourself more than the person you’re with?
no way- but i do love myself more because of the person i am with than i did before i met her. my wife is a total life changer.
Do you believe in marriage?
haha since i am married i should hope i do- weird question anyway. marriage isnt the tooth fairy or santa claus. but i take my marriage vows very seriously
About how long does it take you to get ready in the mornings?
depends what i am heading out to do- if i wanna look good i can take an hour or so but if i dont care i can roll out of bed and be out the door within 10 minutes- sometimes probably less than that
Have you ever dated someone who was married?
trick question- my wife is married. to me
Do you go to school, if so where, and what are you studying?
i dont but i study how my son acts and reacts all the time- its so fascinating watching him learn and see things for the first time
( rest of survey. this is a total filler entry- real one coming up around october 3rd for some reason or another ;) )
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| not making it up |
[12 Jul 2010|04:07pm] |
ive got some bad news ash- while you were in italy bronx grew like about nine and a half years older. yeah i dunno how? i didnt burn down the house trying to cook but i think this is worse. crap. i knew i should have taken that time machine in the basement i got free off craigs list that looked like a refridgerator someone just wanted hauled away more seriously- either that or i slept like nine years to make up for all the years of no sleep. either way im sorry but our son is like now 11. hes still the same height he was when you left but then again he is our kid haha. anyway i miss you and to be serious for a sec (oh nos) it almost feels like its been about 11 years youve been gone. i love you.
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| the fun of it being time to update again already- |
[03 Jul 2010|05:27pm] |
and of course it lands in the middle of me not being able to discuss specific details about "black cards" or my involvement in it just yet. or i guess anyones involvement or even who anyone is. that is going to be slowly revealed in the next few weeks- but its not a viral campaign or anything. remember that. yeah.
(once again twitter names have been changed to protect the real person that posted the actual tweet i am responding to.)
NicoleSayzFuckU: @PeteWentz I HATE YOU MOTHER FUUUCK!!! T______T
luvverarr: @petewentz SERIOUSLY? A NEW BAND? SERIOUSLY? I'VE NEVER HATED YOU SO MUCH AS I'M HATING YOU RIGHT NOW.
as you can see- everyone on twitter is responding pretty well to my involvement with a new band. people love to overreact about anything i do- and i do mean anything haha. i can imagine if i tweeted about taking the garbage out for ash someone would @reply with "PETE WENTZ TOOK OUT THE TRASH? HE SHOULD HAVE LEFT HIMSELF ON THE CURB TOO LOL".
GabeyHellYes: @petewentz FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!
uh. anyway, i know a lot of people arent going to like the new project right off the bat because it isnt fall out boy- and/or it isnt what they are expecting from me. personally i have always had a lot of respect for musicians that could try different sounds and present it to their fans and face that backlash because it was what they wanted to do and what they were proud of. they liked it but maybe the fans wouldnt. for example green day was a band who "grew up" and people reacted differently- but the new sound grew on most of the older fans and drew in new ones. they also had side projects like the network and foxboro hot tubs to explore different sounds they wanted to experiment with without the facing backlash from fans that would be afraid their favorite band would end up sounding like that permanently. it wasnt to make money because they even went out of their way to try to hide the fact the bands also contained members of green day.
see way back in the day fall out boy started out as pop punk- it was supposed to be a fun band to get us away from the moody blues that being in a hardcore band could bring on you. seriously. i really felt like that one song- frustrated incorporated. i was profiting lyrically from being miserable- everything that made me want to puke the night away and fall asleep on the bathroom floor made for amazing lyrics to me. pain inspired me and when i was happy it was like someone had wiped the slate clean in my mind. couldnt think of anything i liked to describe how i felt the way i could when i was miserable. it was like being miserable made me happy in some sick and sad way. it started to be all i really knew. when i was happy i didnt like it and i became defensive about it because i knew it was going to change anyway. i expected the worst out of people so i was never let down- yet a few people still found a way to get around my walls and end up destroying me (instead of those built up walls) almost completely. basically fall out boy is what it is and always has been what it is- yet various times we were called "sell out boy" and sell outs even though we've always been exactly what we brought to the table originally. our latest cd was the one we were most proud of and put the most effort into and it was received the least well of any cd we have done. it was depressing to all of us- we expected the fans to respond to it better but i think we got everything about it but the music wrong. the marketing, the singles picked for radio. i dont know. i just know it deserved better. that is probably a big part of what led us to where we are today. definitely a weighing factor.
Damnmferfob: ok @Petewentz are you serious?this is the material of the black cards? you'll loose some fansdude
i already "loosed" some fans when the nudes leaked. next.
as you can see the new sound of black cards has people talking shiz on me which is nothing new. i am pretty much used to the fact that i have this big invisible bulls-eye on my back for everyone to take aim at no matter what i do- but what can you call me? am i a sell out still? what is a sell out that sells out again? a seller out? like its an occupation now. am i selling out more? does it even matter? i get that i am going to be under a microscope and dissected under every anonymous feature possible but i am not doing this for anything but missing writing and missing making music. i miss touring and i miss recording. i miss the positive reactions and the way music moves people. i miss the comments i would get about my lyrics and my writing- how it touched people and brought them out of situations they could relate to me with through the words of songs. i miss the connection there. i miss making a difference. i miss the fans that told me my music and lyrics saved them. sure it would sometimes give me an ego but it made me feel good about myself. it made me feel like i made a difference after all. i was doing something good. i miss being more than the douchebag that everyone refreshes waiting to hear him say another douchy comment to lol at for headlines on a gossip website itching for more search hits. my wife is my support and my rock and without her i couldnt be here doing any of this. she gives me strength, love and encouragement and keeps me going when the insults and self-doubts start to get me down. i am a father and a husband and both of those roles bring me more joy than anything from a pen or chord has- but if ive learned anything in the past year or so its how to balance my time. and no matter how much i sit around the house or fly around the world- my wife is there for me and not going anywhere. i dont have the worries i used to when i was in a relationship- marriage cements your commitment. there is no doubt family comes first but i am in no way ready to retire yet. i can sort of call my own shots and not miss any important days or time with the fam. i really liked directing the video for train and working with them. i liked getting a taste of what its like being directly involved with presenting music to someone else without being the one making it or writing it.
that was all tl;dr. at least read this last part:
check out http://www.iamcraigowens.com/blackcards/ and http://www.bl4ckc4rds.com/ for a clearer glimpse at the song. keep in mind its not a viral campaign (but enjoy the feet of everyone that is a part of the project only in the first vid.) seriously- if you dont like it dont force yourself to. we can still be buds. another thing ive learned in my long 31 years on earth is that if you try to please everyone you end up pleasing nobody. jealousy, taste, morals and judgment shape all of our interests differently. name one person who everyone likes... yep, its impossible. so dont try to be that person- just be you.
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| happy fathers day post |
[20 Jun 2010|09:12pm] |
of course i am due to update on fathers day. awesome timing huh? i dunno i actually had an idea for a post so i may make that later... but since i am somewhat busy still today i am going to throw this up and worry about that later. happy father's day to all the fellow fathers out there reading this (like....william i think, rjd, maybe mark hoppus if he sees this... and uh thats it?) and to my dad- who luckily does not have a journal. if he did it would be a bunch of law stuff and forwards pasted from his email with about 20 >>>>'s in front of each line. yawn. thank you ash too for making me a dad- its been the best thing to happen to me, both you and bronx- but becoming a parent really straightens your head out and shows you you arent really that lost cause you thought you were. unless you really are a lost cause and thats if you dont care about your kids at all. i dunno how anyone is that way. anyway yeah so i really wish i had time to just do what i wanted to post in the first place haha.
real post coming soon.
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| since i am due for an update and wasnt at all prepared for it... |
[30 May 2010|09:48pm] |
i figured i would post and answer to @replies instead of something worth reading. oh wait i never make posts worth reading anyway. silly me forgetting who i am for a second there. this is the lazy equivalent of doing a survey:
katrineslost: @petewentz it might just be me, but fob songs sound different to me now... bad different. i pretty much skip them everytime
yeah same with me and the beatles. i dunno what it was but finding out they were over ruined em for me.
alyafterparty: @petewentz is it true that FOB are officially over?? My bf almost made me cry by saying that you are... x
prob "ex" boyfriend by now, he was running out the door while you were tweeting that.
decaydanace: @petewentz INDONESIA : please bring FOB back. we miss ur awesome lyrics. we miss patrick's hats, we miss joe's hair, we miss andy's hooks..
sadly patrick sold all of his hats to afford exercise equipment and gym memberships. there will be no turning back the sands of time now.
TheRiseOfBoy: @petewentz such a bummer to go back on twitter after 1.5 days to find out that FOB is over-ish? I feel like jumping off a cliff, :'(
such a long break from twitter. ive never been able to go that long (thats what she said)
spookane: @petewentz Was Ashlee the girl who sent out the nude pics of you??? (ive always wanted to know who did)
nope but she was the first person to be there for me when it happened.
beekerbug: @petewentz what would you do if you were playing spin the bottle with panic! at the disco?
be the designated driver prob
spookane: @petewentz who cooks better? you or Ashlee?
depends on if its tacos
AsturdJJ: you should open your eyesss-- invisible---> ashley simpsom! I hate thsi girl because she's married with my @petewentz
nah im married to ashleE simpsoN, dont hate poor ashley simpsom.
FOBisnmyhart: @petewentz has your acc. been hacked??i really hope it has! :'( the "fob is over-ish" tweet broke my heart...
yes. how did you know? dont you hate when people hack your shiz? they post nude pix, they delete stuff, and post new tweets about fob being overish.
keyaraFOB: #Icandieandgotohell if @petewentz knew I was alive.
which is why i wont acknowledge this tweet on my twitter. i dont need someone dying and going to hell on my conscience.
Alejandro670: @petewentz your are hanson, thanks for exist, really thank you!!! I ? U
um.... wait did she mean handsome? because for 15 minutes i sat here thinking she meant the band.
birdn2flight: @petewentz hi :) when you were in uganda, did you ever worry about the tsetse fly? totally rando i know..
thats like worrying about a car crash or someone peeing in your starbux. if something stings me and i get sick or die what can i do about it? but did you know dinosaurs used to be afraid of being bit by posionous flies? eventually they evolved to adapt to the conditions and grew feathers to help them from being bit by the flies.
reinvent20: @petewentz do you realize that in (coffee's for closers) it says i will never believe in anything again yet a FOB cd is believers never die?
no i never knew. please disect our next cd too- oh wait...
OSCGURL5: @petewentz if you r breaking up please dont all of my friends love Fob and we will make a Funeral if u break up and idk please stay 2gether
a funeral. really.
freezezy: Good luck!! Is fall out boy making any new music?? @petewentz
plenty- just not together.
EMOpplroxU: @petewentz anytip on train a kid to pee on the tolet?u did such a good job with gabe
hahaha. i hope i do as great a job with bx.
sweet cobra hangs this week, birthday, new projects, old ones to tie up loose ends with, and of course wife and cub time too. i love my life.
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| happy two year anniversary of being stuck with me forever. wahahaha |
[17 May 2010|04:02pm] |
woah. there are actually things i could talk about besides my wife but today is our anniversary so i am gonna save that for the next update. onto the sap- it has been two years that we've been married. can you believe she's put up with me that long? i can't. whenever i get in a bad mood and am a grump around her i always feel so bad after wards. luckily it doesn't happen too much- i blame a lot of how and who i was in the past on the way i was treated and some of the people i was around and thought cared about me but didn't. but this isn't about the past- this is about the future. and thanks to my wife, i have a lot to look forward to- and a lot of reasons to keep my chin up.
i am pretty sure that by now everyone knows that i had a huge crush on ashlee before i even met her- it was pretty much love at first sight. i didn't really have a lot of "crushes" on pop stars- she was the one that stood out and i found myself thinking about even though the whole idea of me with her seemed like something out of a science fiction novel. like there was no way in this world she would ever date me. when we finally met it felt like we were meant to be- at least on my side, i think it took a little convincing to make ashlee feel the same haha. but for real- i had never had that connection with anyone before. it made me start to question everything- the whole best buy incident and why i survived it all. i was destroying myself and meeting ash turned that all around. seeing bronx makes me realize i really was supposed to make it through my twenties, that not everything i was doing or had done was a mistake. did i get famous just to meet her? was she famous so that one day i'd want to meet and find her? that comes off kinda cocky but it feels weird to reach a point in your life that made you feel like you had done something right instead of constantly having to question your own judgment. sometimes there really is a bigger picture to everything. thinking about how i lived past the whole best buy thing, how i got past my self-destructive stage and now i'm a husband and a father? kind of insane and heavy to think about. i don't wanna think about the other alternative endings this story could have had. i can safely go as far as to say if i hadn't met ash i don't know that i'd still be here today, if i wouldn't have just self-destructed the way even my managers and best friends were starting to think i was going to.
so anyways, enough of that and some more happy talk. anniversaries are pretty much the holiday you get to pick when it happens. today definitely feels like a holiday too- i woke up today next to my gorgeous wife and sometimes it's still like, "is this real?" even two years later. we always wake up in about the same mood too- either we're both playful or we're both sleepy, we're both joking around or we're both serious. it's kinda weird. it took me a long time to find her, to find someone that cared about me and was really into me the way i was with them- but she was worth the wait for sure. which, this actually brings me to one more thing i want to cover in this...
marriage itself. i get asked what marriage is like, if i like it, if it's worth it to marry someone, if i regret it ever, stuff like that a lot. i will try to answer that now in the best way i can. the clearest way. no- i never regret it at all. even when we fight i know that she's it for me, and that i love her completely. is marriage worth it? i think it depends on if you found the right person or not. have you found someone that makes you want to quit the crap and be the person they deserve? i used to be the type of guy to never really settle down- even so much as flirting and stuff, still going after someone else while i was in a relationship (again, i was with girls that did the same to me- so it felt justified in my head) but ash didn't play those head games i was used to. she didn't string me along. she didn't tell me one thing and mean another. yeah, we have a few, small little fights every now and then. of course i dramatize it because i get scared to lose her, and even when i feel like i'm losing her i can't think of how my life would be without her. i can't go back to being myself if i'm without her- she's become a huge part of me. and i don't want to raise my son with someone else. i don't want to go through parent teacher conferences and school plays and festivals with anyone else. i want to experience it all with ash. i think back on some of the girls i've dated and i realize i couldn't have ever been married to any of them. i can't imagine it getting this far and raising a kid with them. i imagine the constant fights, jealousy issues on both sides, people that seemed to hurt me just to see that i cared still- that would still be going on while i am this old. and that's another thing, i'm too old for the games. they stopped being fun like how many years ago...? oh wait- yeah they were never fun in the first place. i guess how you show you care about someone sort of changes as you grow up too. you no longer have to get someone jealous and screaming to know they care. it's nice actually. really nice. weird. i really am growing up.
the best thing i can tell anyone thinking about marriage is really reflect on your life leading up to this point, this day where you're considering it. and can you see yourself with this person in 10 years, in 20? how about in 50? do you want to go through life with them- every up and down? ash is the perfect girl for me. i find her absolutely incredible, she makes me laugh and always pulls me out of a grumpy mood, she knows exactly what to do to get me to smile. i like to think i can do the same for her. and i never get sick of her, i never get bored with her. we can sit in a room and be silent and neither of us feels restless. we don't have to entertain each other. even when she makes me watch chick flicks i get into them for her- after i get done playfully groaning at the beginning, and yawning- which usually leads to her swatting at me. but yeah, she is the person i want to tell everything to, the person i want to watch everything with, and the person i want to go everywhere with. she's my best friend. i recommend marriage because it's the best decision i made for myself- but you have to make sure you're with the best person for yourself first. and i know i am.
so yeah, i should probably post this thing already. basically the summary of this is that today is an incredibly happy day for me. for real. i think even if my car tire went flat, someone splashed me with mud and pissed in my morning starbucks before i drank it, i would still be happy because i am always coming home to you. that's how marriage should be. the best thing that you have going for you. and ash? you're the best thing that has happened to me, period. i love you. happy two year anniversary, and i can't wait for each one to come. love, pete.
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| happy mother's day, ashlee. |
[09 May 2010|09:12pm] |
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and happy mother's day to my mom, but she doesn't have a journal obv. it would be kind of weirdbeard if she did. everyone would probably hit on her haha. awkward. anyways since its mothers day i wanted to make a post dedicated towards the mother i see (or at least try to see) every day. i think about how my life has changed in a lot of ways because of ashlee and because of bronx- how having a steady and healthy relationship with ash, and then a son to clean my act up for completely changed my life. but her life has changed a lot too, just as much as mine has if not more. if you stick a mechanic in a math class to teach algebra- chances are he isnt going to know how to teach anyone right away. unless its like rainman but thats not the point. i dont think you can teach how to count 243 toothpicks that fall on the floor in that amount of time anyway. but anyways, if you stick a high school gym teacher into space- chances are he isn't going to make it a day without freaking out and hitting the wrong button. its like taking a fish out of water. ash became a mother in the same way. after one pregnancy test she found out she was going a mother. you cant learn everything about being a mom overnight- you cant even possibly learn it in a few months. you cant teach someone how to love someone else and how to raise them, how to care for them and keep them safe. but ash has adapted amazingly into one of the most loving mothers i have ever seen. ive never heard her raise her voice at bronx or yell at him, and she has an endless amount of patience and love. she quit bad habits that she had and even helped me quit some of mine (cussing, im mostly pretty good at it by now i think). this post (is shorter than i wanted but its ok- in a few days its two year wedding anniversary post time and) this post is to thank her for coming into my life and bringing our son into the world. ash? i am really glad that you picked me to reproduce with and keep around forever. i cant imagine having anyone else by my side through this scary roller-coaster that is parenting. the ups and the downs? i want you by my side through them all- not following behind me and not stepping ahead of me. holidays are about be even more amazing now that bronx knows what is going on- and then on that note we also have the terrible twos ahead of us right around the corner. maybe even other little ones soon. you give me things to look forward to, certain, solid things. i couldnt be more excited for all of it baby. happy mother's day.
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| just feel like updating. life is pretty good. |
[11 Jan 2010|06:40pm] |
have you done everything you've wanted to do in life, or do you feel like you are in the middle of it? i kinda feel like i am in the middle but i also feel like i've done everything i have ever wanted to do. i have an amazing, beautiful, hilarious and talented wife and this well behaved, smart, perfect son. i've been in a successful band (finally! you can't imagine the struggle it was for me to finally be in a band that took off) and i've toured the world. almost went to all of the continents but i didn't quite make it to antarctica. the iceberg we were going to land on broke off 15 years before it was supposed to, a day before we were going to go there. to think my band could have landed on that and we could have all died still blows my mind. i think it was meant to be that we stayed back and never made it because my (now wife, then) girlfriend texted me to tell me she was pregnant. i couldnt believe it like i was like "are you serious??" and i was stoked but i couldnt believe it so she sent me a picture of the test and the results. it was insane. i was suddenly a dad, and i didnt really want to go over to antarctica after all with all the risks involved. i was never one to be a pussy but now suddenly i was a dad. there is a difference. who knows, and maybe some day we will attempt it during a different time of the season. but id rather live and see my son grow up than die trying to break some cheesy world record that someone else will just beat a few years later. i dont need to do anything wild anymore to have a good time. last night my wife and i played board games and card games and it was a blast. we can poke fun at each other and tease each other and we're both pretty good at being bad losers and handling it when the other gloats because its all playful i dunno. but honestly? i don't ever wanna play monopoly with her cos for real, that game is a slow death and it makes me a really sore loser. like you have to sell property by property and you die so effing slow dude so count me out.
but anyways with the start of a new year there are always these new years resolutions people make and sure, i know we plan to keep them but most of us really dont. its more like goals and things wed like to do and we use the new year as an excuse to take advantage of it. i dunno. but ive never really been one for new years resolutions... if i want to do something i dont wait until the new year to start, i just start the day i plan to change something. you dont really need an excuse or a special day to cut bad habits or change your life. finding out that day in south america i was going to be a dad sort of changed my life the second i heard it and that was in march, i wasnt going to be like oh crap. gotta wait until january 1st to shape up and be a better person for my kid and my girl. and actually it still is changing my life day by day, especially holding my little human. being a parent you want to do the best and be the best person you can for your kid. for your family.
and speaking of family, im lucky enough to be with my wife who is actually the mother of my child still today. i know thats pretty much unheard of with the divorce rates and phones full of "baby momma" numbers some people seem to have. blah. and i dont blame anyone that has had to split up- things happen- but my parents almost divorced when i was six and it screwed me up a lot. as a kid you dont really know it isnt your fault. everyone is fighting and yelling and you feel like its because of you, or something you arent doing that would make them stop if you could figure out what it was. it was so weird flying back and forth on planes by myself between my mom and my dad when i was only eight. especially getting sick and throwing up all over myself, losing the plane ticket and having a stewardess take pity on me and let me fly anyway while i was a sobbing mess. after all of that its no wonder i hate flying, right? i dont think people realize the effect everything they do has on their kid and how it shapes them into being an adult. i was pretty screwed up for a while and i think i still am, but having a family of my own is ironing out any kinks i had or at least making me feel like i can be loved and productive. i just think i had a first hand view of not only what good my parents did for me, but what to avoid doing. i am not really mad or bitter anymore and i dont blame them because i can look back and know they tried their best with what they had to give and what they knew and hell i am sure ash and i will make some mistakes, but i think over all we arent doing too bad so far. i just want my kid now, and any future kids we have (please get on that ovulating thing you do ash so we can speed things up. i'll switch to boxers and do my part) to be healthy physically and mentally, to be happy and to never grow up (im talking past teenage years- i fully expect to be hated during those. i mean dude teenagers hate everything) wishing my wife and i had done something differently. or at least to know we did our best for their best. i cant wait to see what happens and im excited to be going through it all with my soulmate by my side. to me this is all so much better than breaking some stupid world record, or getting so drunk while hosting a jingle bell bash that i pass out or get my face punched. yeah i am still working on cutting out that last one, haha.
yep so i managed to get an update out and im not even due. how awesome is that? take care guys and have an amazing new years. so far i cant complain. and me not complaining says a lot- i am the type of guy to complain my ice cream is too cold haha. xo pete.
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[01 Jan 2010|11:11pm] |
while i cant pull together the update i want to do because i feel like crud from jetlag and the general drain from the holidays on your sanity, i wanted to post something. next update will be the one worth reading. skip over this one and just say "hi."
What was bad about 2009? 2009 is over with and i think like everyone else im kind of glad. 2008 was probably the best year of my life and i doubt anything will top that. it would take a lot. but anyways about 2009. over all id say it was a pretty horrible year. all of the deaths of people i didnt think id ever live to see die, one after another. then my band taking a hiatus didnt really make it all that much more amazing, im still not sure what to think about that. part of me worries that we will all get used to not being in a band or not having to be in fall out boy and just not want to be anymore. just say eff it and throw it all away. but maybe by then it wont matter as much to me. its just weird going from 10 years of a band to like none. its disheartening that our favorite album we ever did and were most proud of was also our last one and went over so poorly. so yeah it wont be that much of a shock if we just go our separate ways.
How weird is it to go from having a band and touring to staying at home with your family? its way weird. at first i was sort of bored, i didnt understand what i was doing sitting at home with my son while the mrs. was out on broadway. i felt kind of restless. the whole idle hands thing i guess. but then it started to come together and feel ok to just not have 50 things i need to do in one day. i guess this is how i can improve myself as a general human being at least for my wife haha. i think everyone has this bad idea of me and its nobodys fault but my own and then the media just ran with it. its like they find one string to pull the whole sweater apart. (i hope that put weezer in your head, ash.)
Do you ever get homesick? totally. i think its worse now that ive gotten so used to being around the little guy and seeing everything new he discovers and does each day, and having ash come home to me at night after her show (or shows on some days when she does back to back ones. not sure how she pulls all that off. go see it if you havent, shes amazing). its kind of crazy how last night just a few hours away from the nest and i already was homesick for my wife and the little guy. unfortunately for new years i had obligations to dj at mirage. i would have loved to be with my family, but you would not believe how much i got paid to do it. i feel kinda bad tho because in a way its like i was bribed away from my family or something. but it was 30 grand. and i dont really have a band right now so i feel like it was sort of my obligation as Man of the house to go provide for my family.
jessica simpson's sn here: i've come back from... the refrigerator, to tell you to update! that's all. (: i threw this in for the fun of it. i am updating right now.
If you could only spend $10 on a date night, what would you do? haha. its called being married. you keep the $10 and you stay home and watch a movie on tv.
Will we destroy our own planet? we are right now.
What's the one thing you'd like to be remembered for? uh probably not the nude picture incident, the bruised face, the "emo" haircut, the feud with the killers, the guyliner, the "gay above the waist" comment. id actually just like to be remembered as a decent guy who was in a band that wasnt all that bad and played music they believed in. a guy that was the best husband and father he could be. but i will probably be remembered as a douchebag. oh well.
ps. in case anyone wondered or noticed or whatever, this is why my update took forever for me to get up:
ashlee simpson-wentz's sn here: im going to come dancing in the room and distract you
also why it doesnt take other things a while to get up haha. |
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| three little birds. |
[11 Dec 2009|02:31am] |
so the wentz family finally put up the christmas tree this week, and worked on decorating it only to find i think i am allergic to it. oh well. i will suffer it out so bx can have his tree. unless of course i like break out in hives and boils and ashlee doesnt want to look at me- and by look at i mean have sex with me- if that happens then we will just get one of those plastic ones with color coded stems. i think that real snow outside will make up for the fake tree inside? christmas always feels more real when its cold outside. cant wait to drive around with the fam and look at the lights that people have put up on their houses soon. i always love christmas for all the aesthetic reasons.
but for real, i feel really lucky and blessed to be sitting where i am right now, to be who i am right now. i finally have a son and i am with a girl that actually pays attention to the things i like and how i work and think. she pointed something out to me i do that i didnt even notice and i swooned. this is boring for anyone else that might be reading this, but i dont think anyone will read it but her anyway. i wake up and see her next to me and i know the rest of the day is only going to go downhill when she leaves my side. i hear about her day when she comes home from broadway, and i honestly look forward to it. now i know how she must have felt when she would be out supporting me on the road. it feels good to give that back to her and get to be the one cheering her on this time. and its really hilarious having our son watch her rehearse, he doesnt understand her transformation into roxie hart and cant be bothered with it and instead keeps saying "mama" to her. hes perfect but he gets that from her. despite all the rumors we are having problems, or we arent right for reach other... we make it through unscathed. people seem to not get how me and ash work, but if they knew anything about either of us it would make perfect sense to them. it makes perfect sense to us, though, and from the start of the day where she kisses me despite my morning breath, until the end of the day when her head is laying on my chest- that is all that matters. that it makes sense to us. pretty much getting married was the best thing i could have ever done as far as self improvement goes. she makes me want to be a better me because she deserves it.
oh and something band wise despite the fact my band is on pause right now, er decompressing. whatevs. its kind of crazy we (fall out boy) made #12 on the rolling stone top artists of the decade list decided by their readers. pretty cool actually. being right up there with green day, mcr, lil wayne and so on. really flattering. there is probably more i could say but i wanted to get a quick entry out and head offline for more time with the wife before bed, hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday, ill probably be updating next right on christmas day. gotta love the timing of these things. and i say that like i wont be on twitter.
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| obsessed, lovesick, lovecrazy, lovealways. |
[24 Nov 2009|06:59pm] |
life has a funny way of not letting you ever give up on it. there will always be something to pull you through the bad times, friends that care when everyone else throws in the towel on you. i am pretty sure that every down you go through in life leads to another up even if it doesnt make sense when its happening. i can say this as someone who has been through so much that made his friends and management wonder if he was gonna live past 27. its no secret i havent exactly made the smartest decisions or had a clear head any of the times when i should have. but meeting my wife ashlee and having our son together has really turned my life around. i was this drugstore cowboy that went through embarrassing moments like oding in a best buy parking lot on ativan and badmouthing bands and people i dont like without really realizing the consequences of it. it was like "welcome to hollywood, you cant have a personal opinion" on anyone else here. and i wasnt used to that. i was used to saying "oh i hate this movie" or "i hate that song" but when you do now people freak out. people take it like you hate the person, not just disliking something they have done. it shocked me when i was first starting to get ripped apart for my own personal opinion, like why do people care what i say? im just some dude in fall out boy, im not in green day, im not in u2. why is anyone even paying attention? over time you learn how the game works and where the reset button is if something fails, and how to dig yourself out of a hole without anyone seeing you fall.
i still bite my tongue today on people or music, movies i didnt really care about.. cos it seems like everyone is paying attention and is waiting to make a huge deal out of it. like oh pete didnt like adam lamberts performance, this means hes homophobic, he hates adam lambert, he wants to start a feud. and its like uh no i didnt say all that. but people run with it, anything to make a headline. especially if its a slow news day. based on things i used to blurt out, i can see why some people automatically think of douchebag when they hear my name. i mean i said something that i still feel like an asshole about, it was like when one of our cds leaked over a month early, i freaked and blamed minimum wage workers that "dont care about the consequences" to bands and labels profits or something. then after i said it and was quoted on it i was like ....well fuck. that just insulted half our fanbase and i felt like such a tool. but it sucks some people still see me as that big mouthed jackass because i have changed and learned a lot, but the people that matter to me and i matter to know that. you cant be hung up on what people you dont know think about you or youll never want to look in the mirror or want your life. youll never be able to sleep at night, and you cant make everyone like you, you cant please every demographic and target audience as far as your personality let alone anything else goes, so it is pointless to try to be something youre not. just be you and people that are into it are more rewarding than anyone that likes who they think you are. who you act like you are. blah. yeah i think at this point only ashlee is reading so hi baby, i love you. haha.
i still never want to leave this moment, any moment with you: here it is. us. what i am thankful for and why. if you ever wanted to be me (doubtful, just saying) here is your chance to change your mind. i think the only good part about me is who i am now, who i am married to and my son. my friends and my band. getting to this point wasnt easy, i never woke up famous, i wasnt ever handed anything. so imagine being this dude that is basically a nobody and nothing to anyone. you are just normal and boring. you drive your sisters car places when she isnt using it and find yourself in hardcore band after hardcore band hoping one will last. you live in your parents house still (and you continue to until you are 27...). you are straight edge because its what you are at that point in your life. its who you think you are right now and what you think you want to be. you try to be who you are and fit in at the same time cos no one wants to be "that guy" alone in his room every friday night and yet, come friday night... you are. you write angry lyrics trying to digest what happened- you were cheated on by your girlfriend. with some of your friends while you were off touring, trying to make one of those hardcore bands you were in finally last. you are kinda fucked up in the head emotionally and nobody seems to get you or even want to try. the first time you are in a bad mood they abandon (relation)ship. and you are the moodiest person alive around the most fickle people in chicago. you meet a new girl who would rather drink and party than spend time with you, and you feel like a burdon to friends who try to reassure you that you arent. but you just know you gotta annoy them. you cling, you are obsessive and you are the most jealous person alive because you know every dude out there is better than you and your girlfriend acts like she thinks it too. and its not an act. so your laundry list of problems and worries seems to double every day. you sit outside on her porch and call her, is she home? does she care? therapists could pretty much make a living off of you. yeah, all of them.
you are into law, current events, geeky movies and books and fashion. you are a guy, and you dont totally hate the thought of being with another guy but only from the waist up because penis, even your own, gross you out. but you wanna find your soulmate and you dont let the sex someone is define who that soulmate is. you swear its open minded, not desperate. you feel like nobody wants you around, and you are the lamest dude alive. obviously, your self esteem is non existant. but you are kind of good at writing lyrics, sometimes there is a line or two you pen you actually feel proud of, and you are kind of good at touring and staying on schedule and you find yourself in a new "pop punk" band (you gave up on hardcore, the shit depressed you way too much and you didnt need any more help in that department) with three dudes that give a shit about you, two you knew from those go nowhere hardcore bands and one you just met that has the most amazing sense of humor and voice. and hey, you can play bass a little bit, or at least look convincing that you know what you are doing. so you travel in a van with your new band and you like it. you play shows for like 5 to 100 people at a time but nobody really knows who you are yet. you have a name, "fall out boy". its kind of cool, people compliment your music and download it and tell their friends to. word gets out.
and like any normal person looking in from the outside, you have a crush on this hot popstar named ashlee simpson that you seriously dont stand a chance with. and its just her. no other pop star compares, ashlee is hilarious, she seems so much more real than any person youve ever heard of or read about. shes so unique and you love her sense of fashion and the kinds of things she does. no other girl period compares. especially when your girlfriend is still drinking and partying and ignoring your calls, but drops the occasional "i love you" like a lure to reel you in when she thinks you might come in handy. whatever, its pretty much useless to want someone so hot and famous and out of your league so you stick to just fantasizing about her, getting off to pics of uh sexy photoshoots shes done. (blender with black hair and bubbles. i loved that, dont judge me.) you wont ever meet her, thats about as close as youll ever get to her. then something changes and people start to really take notice of your band. its kinda weird to you but people care and your band takes off, slowly the number of people saying "who?" after someone tells them they love fall out boy starts to dwindle down. they want to see you play so they buy tickets to your shows and buy your cds and suddenly youre headlining instead of opening tours, you are in los angeles, at award shows- rereading over your name on the seating list as if there has been some mistake. you are meeting people you grew up listening to in headphones and through bedroom speakers. theres a whole new world opened up to you and you meet her. that girl you fantasized about, and youre kinda embarrassed to tell her at first. so you dont. hell, she has a boyfriend anyway and you kinda have that drinking and partying girlfriend back home too. shes been there on and off, more off than on. and that sums up the relationship in general. but you love her, or you are hung up on the idea of loving her... or at least you dont wanna see 3 years go down the drain. its kinda hard to admit something is a mistake, or isnt working, huh?
anyways the girl and you start to talk more and more. you exchange emails and phone numbers, you hang out and she catches your bands show, she digs the band and maybe, just maybe, she starts to dig you. shes amazing and you cant believe she even looks at you let alone wastes any of her time on you. so you risk it all. you pursue her. you chase after her relentlessly and never let her doubt you or how you feel. shes been through as many bad relationships as you have, and shes been cheated on too. you can relate and know how it feels, so you start to show how you feel and you give up on that girlfriend back home once and for all. she was bad news anyway, not for headlines but lifelines. you give up on the other people you casually started to date because you want to show the girl you are crazy about that you can be serious and you can be faithful to her. anything she needs you to do to prove yourself to her you do without batting an eye. soon she starts to see it, and gives you a chance. you cant believe you are still in your own shoes, or in your own skin. that you didnt just wake up in someone else's body, in someone else's life. that she isnt bored with you, that she finds you attractive and wants to be around you, wants to see you more. now you have your dream girl, so you are afraid to let anything bad happen to your relationship with her. youve seen how headlines and gossip work, or rather dont work... and you try to downplay it, say youre just friends and keep it a secret. but soon its too obvious youre in love with her, by the way you look at her... and the way shes actually looking back at you. shes down to earth and better than that, shes a part of your world now. in fact, she is your world.
and its worked from the start, its continued to work. there were a few moments where i was afraid i lost her but i never gave up. she needs what i need and i give what she needs, she gives what i need. every single person that ever said it wouldnt work doesnt really know either of us, or our relationship. and thats fine by me. i am happy, she is happy, and we keep our baby boy happy.
honestly the past year of my life has been the best one, the past two years actually. because until ashlee was my girlfriend and then my wife i dont really think i had any "best" years, or even any good ones. it isnt some pity party thing, its just the truth. your life is only as good as how you let it be and how you live in it, and i think my life could have been ok if i appreciated it more, so maybe thats all this is. maybe i just appreciate life now. there was so much of my life i kind of "wasted" not believing in myself or believing anyone that did. i dont know what it was other than her being incredible, but ashlee is the reason i have any esteem today. if someone as amazing as her can want me, there has to be something worth seeing in me. some good qualities in me that i had trouble finding. i know shes pretty into my ass, which would be good enough alone for me but she likes the whole package. so i had a mostly crappy past, ive treated people bad and ive been treated bad. i just dont stay hung up on regretting anything or having any regrets because every step and misstep led me to where i am now... with a wedding ring on my hand and someone that loves me, every feature and flaw. but finally i appreciate the friends i have, my wife, my son, my family. everything. im thankful for the friends i have that stuck by me when i was depressed, that didnt give up on me when i gave up on myself. the friends that never let me feel like a burdon. the friends that stood by me and are still there today. the new friends ive made since i got here too, that ignored the headlines and decided to read between the lines instead. im thankful for meeting my wife and somehow brainwashing her into thinking she needs me for the rest of her life, and im thankful for my sperm somehow being smart enough to find her egg (or her egg being easy for them and being all "here i am boys, come and get me!" and flailing at them, whatever happened) instead of my sperm choosing to nap after a few hours of chasing or go in circles or chase after each other and ignore the egg. im thankful for everything i have right now, for the long run fall out boy has had so far- and no, seriously we're not over, it really is just a break...- and for every single person that ever gave a shit about me. fans included. sometimes its hard to be thankful for what you have when you can only focus on what you dont have, but i think now that i have everything ive ever wanted- a family of my own, a wife- someone i know wont ever cheat on me- i can see how much ive looked over and neglected and can make up for that now. thank you.
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| since i dont even want to begin on the disappointment with prop 8... |
[06 Nov 2008|12:40am] |
so i think this is the first update in a while where i had to literally sit and force myself to write it which is a shock to anyone that knows me. feels like i have had writers block for a while (which i do get sometimes and it blows). and kind of still have it. the most i can do is post a picture and update a little bit on petewentz.com. ill just talk about last night and hopefully that will cover it.
election night. where were you when you heard the news that obama won the presidency? its such a huge part of history and we are all lucky to have been a part of it last night, to be able to see it happen. something positive that happened in our lifetimes that we can tell our kids and our grandkids about, finally. last night was insane, i dont know how patrick put up with me because i probably sat three inches away from the tv for most of the night glued to cnn. it was kind of scary at first, it seemed like mccain was going to win by how many states were coming up red and going his way, starting out at 13. then when obama had at least 200 i was already saying we won it and hugging patrick tight but sorta still biting my tongue because i didnt want to call it too soon- i was calling it a "celebration incase we dont win" so that way we at least got to be excited for one part of the night. but soon even cnn was saying there was no way mccain would win california and florida and the last states needed to pull it off. the whole night and all the camera shots switching to grant park made me miss my hometown so bad- i kept saying i wanted to be in chicago, i wanted to be home with my parents for this because not only was obama winning important to me but it was to them, maybe even moreso considering they met way back in the 70s through supporting joe biden. like see thats a pic of me mom and joe biden holding me. kind of crazy how everything comes together like that. one event to the next that happen and explain each other in a way that seem to make your life make sense. my dad was actually out at some of the polls doing his best at making sure people got to vote and werent waiting too long- he told me in 2004 that at least 15,000 people went home without getting to vote because they were frustrated at the wait, and people were waiting up to 7 or more hours. like he said, it could have been what cost kerry the presidency. this year he and other lawyers made sure that things ran as smoothly as possible and polling places opened up more booths and had more machines to fit the demands. earlier in the day patrick and i both went out to vote and stood in line- i think patricks wait was a while longer than mine- and then i went home after that, drank cold starbucks from the fridge and stayed glued to watch cnn. i was totally prepared for the wait to be an hour or two to get my vote in but it wasn't as long as i thought it would be.
i dont like how cnn made it so much about the color of the skin or the age of either candidate. patrick was so bothered by it he went into another room here and there to avoid cnn and watch a local networks reporting of it instead. i can understand why cnn felt the need to- for statistics- but they made it sound more like it was black people voting for obama and white people voting for mccain and that was that. however standing in line and throughout the past few days ive been talking to people about it only to find that no black person was ever like "yo man, lets get a brother in office, man!" and no white person was ever like "im voting for mccain because hes white and no black man should be president", granted i doubt anyone would admit that out loud- but each person had an actual issue that either candidate addressed that was their reason for their choice. some people were still divided up until the last minutes on who to pick. with the economy like it is, most people feared another four years with a republican in office so that weighed heavily against mccain as well.
what did you think of mccains speech when he lost? i actually felt bad for him losing, i like how he actually seemed embarrassed when his supporters gathered there for him in arizona booed obamas mention. he handled everything very well (patrick had said something like it was his first good speech) to the point it seemed like he had been prepared to lose, he had been expecting it. it was obvious how much he loves this country and that part of his campaign had never been just a motto but what he actually stood by and lived for. it made me happy to hear him say he will actually be working with obama to make the country a better place still and that is exactly what obamas campaign has been about: uniting washington. changing how the government works so that it actually works. he doesnt want it to be about republicans or democrats, blue states or red states, and i personally love that. i understand politics and the importance of different parties but i never understood the division or the need for it to be republicans vs. democrats the way it starts to be in washington, especially around election time and voting in new members to the senate and white house. i dont think mccain should be embarrassed about losing. the popular vote was very close and i think he would have made a good president- better than bush but then again that is like saying a hug is better than a wedgie or a stomachache, but i think obama would be/will be better and this is his time. also what i like is obama seems willing to accept help and ideas from others, he makes it feel like we are actually doing this together and i am not too sure mccain would have been as open or if he would have remained hard headed and set in his ways as most older people are. also- do you think mccain screwed his own campaign over by picking sarah palin for his vice president? ive heard a lot of people say thats why mccain lost their vote. i think mccain and palin together made great joke material out of themselves and having them hang around would have been fun in that aspect- but weve had 8 years of a president we made fun of and after awhile as we all know, it stops being funny and just becomes pathetic. its about time we got a guy in office that we can take seriously and even respect. i dont remember ever respecting george bush jr...
and in closing... incase you werent added to his mailing list from his official site, last night barack actually sent out an email to thank every single one of his voters, his supporters, his donators and his volunteers for their work on his campaign BEFORE he went out to make his speech in chicago which i think shows exactly what kind of age we are living in as far as communication goes with the internet. after all, if it wasnt for the internet, nobody would have heard about my band or gave a shit about it. soo we can all be thankful for the internet right? ;) and like obama was for a while, we are also the underdog so its always cool to see that underdog pull through. but honestly its pretty cool to see people other than musicians using the internet to connect with a huge group of people like that. i think obama has made more change than he realizes before he even was elected president. i cant wait to see the change to come.
"pete --
I'm about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.
We just made history.
And I don't want you to forget how we did it.
You made history every single day during this campaign -- every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it's time for change.
I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.
We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I'll be in touch soon about what comes next.
But I want to be very clear about one thing...
All of this happened because of you.
Thank you,
Barack"
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[15 Oct 2008|01:43am] |
"They love me at the Chelsea
They adore me at the Ritz
Why should I worry?
Why should I care?
And even when I cross that line
I got street savoire faire"
drained and still invalidated despite all efforts (emphasis on spite) two bodies remain paused in their struggle to find love while the world below moves on. she wakes first, blurry morning eyes just want somebody there. the dirt on the window seems to signify the way that the sun will never shine on their skin the same way again. insinuates that you never really see the picture clearly until youre out of it. the straight line split in the curtains makes up for the lack of spine on his back. the stories he can't tell reveal themselves in the way he slurs and stutters excuses into the cellphone. the corner of his smile has a spike like the punch he keeps his secrets in. the only thing he notices about her is she looks better face down when she could be mistaken someone else. shes creaking loose floorboards with a mattress spring to match. her heart ticking that echoes inside his skull. a makeshift timebomb. a quivering cache on the waivering justice scales. is it enough, is it enough? "if that heart is really so beautiful why would it emasculate me every time i see it? every time i see he just puts his hand over it, not making a promise on oath but breaking them by faith. breaking them with honest eyes." whispers against ears that know better but perk up anyway. lethargic wrinkles in the sheets where she was once, smelling the night air that seems to have weakened without her. or just the lungs inhaling it in. convince me. everybody wants to cause an impact not be the aftermath. its a dog eat dog world- belly up on the buffet line. we feed on the dirt we're buried under until we (or our egos) are too bloated to move. when the final nail in your coffin is rusty does it matter that the coffin is too? is it enough, is this enough? stop time to save time, run out of time and run out on me. stomachache from all the secrets in my head running out of room, wanting me to vomit them out. you only ever called to call me out. deteriorating due to lack of touch instead of too much. the dust in the cracks of our worst breakdowns, reminding us where we failed before when each old wound is reopened by the same slash. deep. the rain hits the pavement to wash away our feet prints, these memories. it can't get inside a head or a heart and neither can i. concrete heart and tar lips sealed shut. weve been opening the wrong parts. i can spot flaws in anyone, simply because i have them all.
sorry for writing this. i know you hate me for the reason that keeps me from the unemployment line as well as other reasons i am sure. right now feels like something out of a journey song, the way they can spin a negative event around and make it spit out confetti. a breakup into a baptism. the end of the line the beginning of a new turn. i love a band that can make you see the upside of a downfall. it is pretty rare but i want to master that someday. oh and if i was a wrestler, i would be the "art"break kid. id probably be able to hold onto you better too. and die in a cagematch fight. more than likely against myself.
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| i got it up after all |
[18 Sep 2008|10:16pm] |
yeah yeah. that's what she said. as all of my updates are, this one will be all over the place so don't feel bad if you skim through and don't actually read all of it.
i am pretty excited to update. i don't even know why. who seriously gets excited to update? oh. me. the person that updates petewentz.com like 3 or 4 times a day haha. does anyone know why a mofo is called a mofo and not a mofu? weird. the best news of all is this- fn mtv was picked back up for a second season and should be coming back this november. i would elaborate but i gotta save something for the next update.
skip this paragraph it is boring: band news comes first i guess, so that i can talk about everything before my bandmates do- you snooze you lose. nah we can all talk about it, our different perspectives might be interesting. if you like fall out boy anyway. if you don't you probably have taste. so we shot our video for "i don't care" over the weekend and then did a photoshoot for ap. i liked the shoot for ap, but they're always good to our band. i'm not knocking rocksound or anything but the photoshoot was kinda cheesy. i'm really excited about the video, i really missed making them. the last one we did wasn't even technically our song, just our take on what we feel is a classic. the lyrics weren't our own so we kind of got to make whatever we wanted, the way we saw it. this song is our own and it's fun to shoot the videos where you can bring a new meaning to a song. it's kind of funny how everyone comes up with their own meaning to it anyway, or what they think it means. btw did you know that michael jackson owns some of the beatles songs. that's pretty insane.
the vmas were pretty great, we lost the only one we were up for and that was alright with all of us. i don't think we really deserved it this year anyway and for that video. it was a fun video to shoot but we were originally in it for "thnks fr the mmrs" and we had to correct mtv and tell them that video was outdated and they'd have to use "beat it". next year is our year. the only thing that really sucked about losing the award was the fact that slash presented it. the second we saw him i knew joe was going to be bummed if we didn't get it for the fact he wouldn't get to be up onstage with slash. i think joe got cheered up when a few people asked him if his dad was slash or tapped his shoulder and even mistook him for slash from behind afterwards when we were backstage getting ready to go. but come on. like slash would hang out with fall out boy? pls. anyways, this year we didn't really go to any afterparties either. i dunno like, it almost seems like you go to one los angeles party you've gone to them all. it doesn't really appeal to me anymore. we just went home, ordered a pizza and that was that.
possible ways i think i could die
1. crashing while trying to text and or talk on my blackberry while driving.
2. a playful game of hide and go seek where i go hide but nobody else bothers to seek.
3. assassination. would my death count as that? would it be just murder? or would it be pest control?
4. i plan my own kidnapping to promote the new fall out boy cd and nobody tries to find me- i forget where i am too and starve to death.
and speaking of promoting the new fall out boy cd...
that's a picture of what someone quoted this as "fall out boy's poor attempt at a viral campaign", which i am sure some other websites are calling a "virus" or a plague. or the fact it's viral only because it's fall out boy, not that it's going to catch on. oh well. i hate labeling anything. this was just done because we're excited about the cd. i just feel like we haven't done a lot for the fans in the past year or so, so we're trying to come up with a few ways to get them all involved and excited about the cd. i really doubt anything we're doing is going to draw in new fans. we've got gabe saporta in the new video and on the album, and brendon urie on the album. i'm really proud of this cd and it's not even completely done yet. we hope everyone likes it but at the same time, we are not making it for everyone to like. i feel bad that some fans are upset the special boxes of "donuts" didn't make it to real fans, and just a few random girls- but i promise we'll always have more surprises ready. not that anyone reading this likes my band or wants stupid fall out boy memorabilia. unless it's to sell on ebay, haha.
what other things will we come up with? well, as long as the initials are f.o.b the sky is the limit really. literally. nothing in the sky is spelled with f.o.b. wait o could be for orbit? well maybe something is.
pete: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31tHW2GqJqL._SL500_AA275_.jpg
pete: Steel Shopping Cart 6.4 Cu. Foot Capacity
Other products by UNITED STEEL & WIRE CO
No customer reviews yet. Be the first.
Price: $185.95
pete: wow
pete: i had no idea a shopping cart costs that much money
pete: AMAZON.COM IS A FUCKING LEARNING EXPERIENCE
jared: LMFAO
jared: I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE
jared: I NEEDED A LAUGH THANK YOU
i was on amazon.com looking for stuff to waste money on. at first it was just dvds i dont have cos you can find em super cheap and i haven't had any problems so far, but then i couldn't think of any movies i wanted to see that i havent (if you know of a good one, recommend it please and tell me a little about what it's about maybe... without ruining the whole thing haha) there was also an electric toothbrush for $140. who would pay that much? i got mine for like $8. anyways, while i was looking around they recommended this book to me: People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It (Paperback)
it sounds like a ssdumb award title, haha.
speaking of ssdumb awards i won like i think every negative one except most likely to have a pussy below or whatever- but i think those nude pics of mine actually helped me out of that one. i think to make the awards more fun and mean we need awards like this. if you continue the ssdumb awards next time around, please consider adding a few new categories since we all like to fill out polls, have our opinions heard and segregate like at the lunch room back in high school:
suggested new ssdumb award categories
1. most likely to be smelled from a block away. omg. shower please. (most in need of a shower)
2. nobody puts baby in the corner. (biggest attention getter)
3. it's my party and i'll cry if i want to, cry if i want to. (biggest crybaby)
4. did you trip and fall into your closet and waltz out wearing what you got tangled in? (worst fashion)
5. most likely to stay in the closet longer than that I SURVIVED Y2K shirt you bought back in 2000. (most secret gay)
6. most likely to come flailing out of the closet with a rainbow shining behind them but no pot of gold (most obvious gay)
7. best award maker, the most underappreciated and underpaid workers next to fast food and postal workers. (best award maker)
8. wow. do you fart air freshner and shit flowers? (most perfect person)
wait i'll even save you the trouble of nominating and voting, i'd win em all (except 7 and 8). first place since they're all terrible- but i actually deserve the worst fashion one haha. and the crybaby one. garrett and jared tie for second for everything and does anyone care about third? just kidding. but actually not that much- did anyone hear about the wrestler in the olympics who won bronze and threw down his metal and walked out? kind of insane. i guess he felt robbed but it's kind of hard to misjudge a wrestling competition. i dunno. still, if i was fourth i would have gladly accepted it in that guy's place. i get wanting to be the best or thinking you should have placed first and accepting nothing less, but placing third in any olympics game is taking home a big piece of history. let alone actually being there, at least i think anyway. i don't get how you can let your pride get that full to where even if you're robbed and you win an award you still are angry.
i of all people actually can talk about this after my embarrassing little blog updates when we weren't nominated for a grammy for infinity on high. it stung a lot to not even be nominated and it still kind of stings because i know how much work we put into it. so my point is, being nominated is better than nothing at all. being at the olympics competing should have been enough for that guy- to know he made it that far. it says a lot about your talent. even when we as a band don't win an award, i am happy we were up for it. when you think about how far you've come and how many people it was narrowed down to, being nominated alone should be enough.
this is probably the most important paragraph in this whole thing: if you're losing comments it's because you edited your post. if you edit a post at all you lose comments eventually- it won't happen right away, usually- but weeks or months later out of nowhere they'll disappear. you also lose any new ones to the post again if you re-edit it after you've already lost comments the first time around. it sucks. i hate to say it, but patrick, you were right. you told me if i edit it again i'd lose the comments again and i said "no i don't think it'll do that." shows me not to have any faith in insanejournal.
pete: wb can afford all that lighting and special effects thnx to the money they sued me for
jared: LMAO I WISH they majorly cut our budget
pete: i could tell from the stab scene HAHA
as you can see jared made me watch the wb tonight to see his show. this section of the update will be the last one, i just want to mention how lucky i feel for the friends i have. i got a little butt hurt by getting so many negative awards, but i'm over it now. i mentioned the whole segregating at lunch thing... i'm really lucky to have the friends i do. i never really cared about fitting in at school, just being around the friends i had. to me the best friends i've ever had are ones that people normally wouldn't want to talk to or would be too scared to talk to. you can't ever judge anyone, but most of the popular people are like robots programmed to say the same things and like the same things. not always, but it seems like people have to back stab and be fake to be popular anyway, to get to where they want to be.
so in closing this huge update, it finally ends with a few of the best friends i have here and why i appreciate them. i recommend those of you posting "who should i im" talk to any one of them. thanks for being my friends and listening to me whine, making me laugh when i feel blue and letting me cheer you up too:
- jared and garrett- i'll put them together because they both get a lot of shit. talk to them. both of them. they both are hilarious and say the most random shit you'll ever. they both make me laugh and i think if you don't like either of them, you just haven't talked to them. thanks to jared's evil genius mind we have this insane plans of going to hollister on halloween and setting rodents loose in the store becasue it's so dark. also weren't we all up for "person you'd most like to see killed by a mentally deranged psychopath"? well, if you're a mentally deranged psychopath and reading this come out and meet us there. three birds in one store. er.. three birds with one stone. whatever.
- joe and patrick- obviously i am going to tell you to talk to my bandmates, but joe (although he recently discovered ratemybonghit.com and hasn't been as talktive since haha) and patrick are both my two best and the longest friends i've had. i have to point out a little known fact: joe is the most fun if you get him to play a board game with you- especially when he bids excessively on monopoly or spells "pot" in scrabble. i believe patrick and i have the actual syndrome of folie à deux, even if he can't say it. we butt heads when we record but he is the most talented person i will ever meet or know. (i say that knowing i won't ever really meet or know axl, please don't hate me if you ever read this axl) just kidding about axl, i love you patrick.
- gabe and avril- obviously gabe has been my friend for years but his girlfriend avril is pretty amazing too, he's finally found a good one. it sucks how long it takes us sometimes to find the right person but i'm positive he has. she's exactly what he needs and i know he is good for her too- even though he's probably telling himself she's not. he's a hilarious guy, and hot. he'll tell you that himself though. they've both been amazing friends to me and never turned their back on me.
- last but not least is hayley who i would say is a new friend but i've known her a while, i just don't think we've talked as much as we have since she showed up. she deserves more credit than she gets too, not just for her band but herself. besides her songs can be misheard as bad as ours can. she is also one of those people that can make me laugh until my stomach hurts.
hayley: wow i wish i could stop listening to this song
pete: i dont care by fall out boy? if not i dont care
hayley: im gonna punch you one day
- if i left anyone off don't take it personally at all. it was really painful for me to say all these nice things- just kidding, but i hope i didn't forget anyone- especially since i can't edit because ij will eat my comments. the truth is i'm trying to finish this up cos it's already long enough as it is. plus i know some of the people i mentioned are judged wrong and completely amazing so they deserve that pointed out. i will always defend my friends up and down.
i don't think i said everything i wanted to, but there is always next update. next update where i can have my fn mtv paragraph or two back, thank god. also i can talk about the baby being born and being a father. i'm so excited. this little person with their own thoughts and feelings, their own tastes in music and television shows and i just can't wait. but yeah next update i spent way too much time on this one already.
oh yeah and there is new stuff up at http://www.clandestineindustries.com/
xo
ps- oops i did almost forget a good friend somehow- i would say more but this is all you'll want to read anyway: hey brendon whats up?
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| patrick's sn here: YOU'RE NOT FUNNY |
[13 Aug 2008|10:39am] |
i was bitching (whoa big shock, i never do that) to martin a few days ago about how all the cool kids and patrick had updates due. if i update now i get to watch you guys all sweat and push for extensions while i have a few extra days. plus i want to update now and in a week i might not want to- besides i only have a week and a half to go so i figured i would do a little one before i head out to fn mtv this afternoon and start filming. besides i updated ahomeboyslife.com (i like how i link it like anyone will go there) like three times already today so whats one in my journal?
honestly i'm excited to film tonight but i don't think anything can top the last fn mtv, diddy was insane and cracked everyone up- scared james montgomery a little but all in all an amazing show. the best one so far, but this week's show gym class heroes will be performing so it should be great too. if you ever want a sneak peak at who is going to be on the next shows or even a ticket to come out and check it out you can get all that here.
ie is pretty much unuseable anymore- is that even a word or did i make it up? so ive been clearing out my old bookmarks and saving things to firefox instead and came across this site i thought i'd share. this is the first: http://famous-relationships.topsynergy.com/ it's basically astrology profiles for "famous" people (sorry jamison). i say famous in quotes because even my band is on it and it's weird we're considered that. i mean from the pic they used they did this shit a few years ago too so that is what makes it really weird. i haven't seen one that i didn't think really fit so far but i don't know too many people that are "famous" enough to have one of those. like i guess even people like jess and martin aren't listed either, but like mila and avril are, so you might be able to find yours. mine is pretty accurate, if you have one tell me what you think about it.
http://www.addictinggames.com/kittencannon.html
this was in my bookmarks too. i haven't played this game in years, i forgot how addicting it can be. oh yeah- addictinggames.com. duh. all you have to do is hit your spacebar and see how far the kitten can go and theres traps along the way like venus flytraps and then missles to make it fly farther. if you think too far into it its kinda fucked up. like if it was with dogs and not cats id probably have had a problem playing it haha.
http://www.rhymezone.com/
you type in the word you want to rhyme with something and it gives you a huge list of shit. like i'm still laughing over "charge sheet" "jerked meat" and "prickly meat". i'm going to send this in an email to kanye and ask him to stop writing good songs with meaning and make one based on my name.
i wish trl would show whole videos, not for all 10 but at least a few of them. i see some of my friends excited about having a video played on it and i hate to be a donnie downer about it but why? you'll be mentioned once, played for 15 seconds and then there are 5 minutes of commercials. i feel lucky to be a part of the only show on mtv that does, and a few years ago i remember being stoked to have our videos played on trl (even though we would always be second to kelly clarkson)- but no matter where you place your video is always only like 15 or 30 seconds. the more i think about it i wish that is what i had tried to change. don't get me wrong i love trl, i love the concept of it, but it's unbearable to sit through. i think the top 3 videos should get played in their entirety. that would be a real incentive for getting to be in the top 3 and like bonus exposure for your band and song. i think maybe if enough people speak up and maybe if i put in a word the next time i'm at mtv and we're discussing fn mtv, that mtv will consider that. either way at least fn mtv is encouraging people to make videos again and know they will be seen somewhere besides mtv at like 5am or youtube until it's taken down for legal reasons.
patrick it's the 13th. times that by three. and the cure song we remixed released on the 13th. and and robert smith is obsessed with 13. its amazing we got to be a part of this. http://thecure.com/
oh and i'm updating on the 13th.
speaking of bands i grew up on did anybody get a leak of the new guns n roses song yet? probably not but i'd like to hear it. it's kind of frustrating as a musician when we record because i want everything to be perfect, i want to make songs like "welcome to the jungle" that everyone in the entire world knows and loves but it's hard. goddamn you axl rose for setting the bar so high.
but yeah i really cant complain about anything for once, my life is going pretty good, i have good friends and an amazing person by my side who is there for me through everything despite how fucked up my personal life can be. but at least they're kinda taking control of that and fixing it right now. i am excited about the baby, i read up on things the father can do all the time which is kinda useless because i'm never around. i won't lie this isn't exactly the situation that i wish my first child could have been born into, and who would want to have a kid with someone they're not married to or in love with? but all factors considered martin probably one of the most caring and nice guys i've met in a while, his selflessness is pretty admirable. i know considering the situation that should be a really hard thing for me to say and i won't lie it has been hard accepting that someone else will be known as dad to my child but without a doubt he's going to be good to the baby so it's rather easy to swallow. i really think it'll all work out for the best. i think in fact it's better this way because my kid will get to have an amazing person in their life that they wouldn't have otherwise. and i get to be with someone that has given me butterflies for a while. so over all, things are working out for the best.
other than that i don't think there is much else to say. this was a quick update thrown together before i head out to do the only thing i really do career wise anymore. it is fun tho for now getting to live vicariously through all of my touring friends' bands. i can't wait to be out onstage again, looking like i have talent while i play next to my three actually talented friends. i'm looking forward to touring again but also having an album done. like i said at the boost mobile bbq i always sign "pete fob" because i think a part of who i am should always be tied to my band. it should always be about fall out boy because i wouldn't be anything without them. sometimes i still think i'm not anything.
ps- so far i think patrick is right and it only eats your comments when you edit the entry after you post it because so far so good on my last ones. knock on wood of course.
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| who would buy a doll of me just to burn it or a fall out boy cd just to break it, i dont understand |
[03 Aug 2008|03:33am] |
im pretty stoked to hear guns n roses are going to have out a new single out finally september 14th. does anyone know where i can download it early? just kidding..after bitching about how my last cd leaked like a month in advance i wouldnt encourage doing it to another artist. (pm me any links...) but i mean, put the two together... i host an mtv show that premieres videos. and guns n roses are coming out with a new single. OMG. if they come out with a video i really really hope we can get it on fn mtv. and no not just so i can meet axl rose. seriously.
...okok. i dont think i am fooling anyone. i want to meet axl rose, and NOT just watch him walk by in the hallway with my jaw dropped in awe. that happened the last time i was in the same building as him. his music has changed my life and shaped me probably as much as michael jackson. but JUST the music, not the lifestyle or sexuality preferences thnx.
honestly im just excited for some good music again. every song anymore feels kinda dated, you know what i mean? like it was made for the summer or that time period that it was out, and its really hard to hear it after that because it takes you back to either a really bad time, or it just doesnt even fit anything anymore. i really miss songs with a lasting sound to them and the new academy is album seems to be pulling that off. nothing against anyone currently with a hit single for summer, but sometimes i kind of wonder if theyre marketed and picked to be a single because theyre catchy but they have no real depth or meaning to them, or it will be a hit for a few months and then everyone will change the station when it comes on the radio. i mean think anything by nickelback, "closing time" or "sugar were goin down"... only a few bands have actually managed to make timeless songs AND they include like an actual year in them, like "party like its 1999", "summer of 69" (though im sick of hearing that song) and "1979." hopefully you get what i mean. like "closing time" is alright but i cant stand hearing it anymore it was played so much. there are only a few hit songs that i like past maybe a month of hearing them. maybe this is just the lack of sleep talking, but unfortunately once i post this i cant edit it because i think thats why comments disappear. that has been happening to most of my entries so im gonna try not to edit this one and see if that happens or not. its really kind of annoying it keeps happening but oh well.
currently i am hanging in chicago right now as i write this. home sweat home- its not as humid as i thought it would be but its still pretty hot. i missed the midwest and i hope it missed me. got a lot planned for this weekend while im in town, mostly angels and kings stuff. already caught lolla today and lost my wallet haha. luckily i got it back with only my dignity missing. oh wait thats been lost since 2003... or... did i ever have dignity? oh well. i cant sleep so i figured id get my update done now, been out all day and even tho im tired i cant see myself laying down in bed and actually falling asleep. dont you hate that? and im sick of taking pills to replicate sleep so i guess ill just tough it out. it feels like there is too much life to live and too many things to do in a day for sleep anyway. oh and in a gas station a few hours ago there was this person standing behind me with a baby and i heard the baby hiccup and oh my god i just cant wait to hear my own kid, hold them. its going to be insane and im excited. too much on my mind for sleep anyway.
apparently the fobots need oiled up. we are a bit rusty and not working quick enough haha. currently not sweating it too much. weve spent the past few weeks mostly hanging out at patricks place to work on some new songs and a few other projects were cooking up that arent new song related. since our label is starting to get on our ass about not having done jackshit with the band since like 2007 really (unless you count beat it- but even mtv forgot about that one!), we feel its only fair to our fans to get our butts in gear. we have a fall tour scheduled with like six dates in october and its supposed to be to promote our new album. yeah isnt that funny, we dont even have it done yet. blah. hopefully it doesnt suck because its all thrown together or we dont have to cancel the shows on the fans for whatever reason. we love the fans for hanging in there and we really do owe them some new material and some live shows again. besides i miss being on tour so much, the show we did for victorias secret a few weeks back was like a teaser. to us moreso than the fans.
in spending so much time over at patricks i joke about his neighbors thinking hes into dudes and that im his boyfriend. i always try to give patrick a heart attack by saying i want to go out in the hallway in just a towel and knock on his neighbors doors and ask for a cup of sugar or milk to see what they do. like if rumors start to spread around the building about patrick being gay. i like how its like a game to me. he gets so pissed off omg its funny. one time im going to wake patrick up bright and early and say i did and the neighbor i asked just screamed and shut the door in my face. dude that reminds me of the one neighbor of his that was like pacing around in the hallway screaming ARRRRRUUUUGHHHHHHH or some shit. maybe it was a ghost. obviously i didnt look to see. im not really used to being anywhere where you can hear other people in the house or the same building so its like an adventure to me. i kind of missed having a "roommate" other than rigs and hemmy. sucks living alone.
but while brainstorming all these new songs and stuff- i decided if we had a new single out, we would need to film a new video. so that said, here are ideas i came up with for future videos. and no, i havent sprung them on the band yet. this is just mostly just to kill a paragraph in this update dead:
a couple future fall out boy video ideas:
- i am cheating with this one, i didnt think it up while i was awake. i actually had this pretty badass dream where we were playing underwater and there was an ariel view down to the stage we were playing on- like with electric guitars and all- dreams dont have to make sense. but i had to keep swimming up to the top of the ledge to climb out cos a shark kept trying to eat me between takes. at least it was polite and didnt try while we were filming.
- maybe one with lots of fucking explosions. just nothing but buildings blowing up, cars flipping over and exploding. shit like that. itll make you feel more manly than watching espn in your underwear with one hand down your boxers and the other on a beer.
if you got any throw em my way and then sue me later when it slips my mind to credit you. fall out boy has always been about making really good videos (at least after 2005...) but now being the host of an mtv show premiering them i feel our next ones really have to step up. i wonder how that would work, premiering my own video on my own show. weird.
im new to this parenting thing but having a kid on the way really alters your way of thinking and how you handle things and act. you view everything differently- well usually you do, but earlier this week i realized i still have some growing up to do. next wednesday when we film fn mtv one of the guests is going to be a group named morningwood. ive made so many morningwood jokes its not even funny and im pretty sure someone will end up punching me in my large easy target mouth. "hey guys morningwood is going to pop up" "morningwood showed up at night" and so on. its funny to me but im like 5, i know. sometimes on fn mtv and in life in general i dont know who i embarrass more- bands on the show, my friends or myself.
enough of that, this update is pretty much done. yeah i could talk about the update challenge which is love vs hate, but i kinda think you need both to exist, thats all i really want to say on the topic. only having one or the other will kill you or make your life extremely boring. which is back to my original point because im pretty sure boredom really would kill you. love and hate are both really strong emotions. maybe ill get into it more next update, but this one is long enough and boring enough as it is.
patrick: i dont know how you arent going nuts
pete: because i already AM nuts
pete: there is no going to where you already are
pete: thats like
pete: im going to go to the living room
pete: stands up
pete: sits down
pete: oh hey here i am
off to go not sleep, hope everyone else is getting some for me. sleep, that is. xo pete
ps- oh yeah speaking of hate check out this and the related videos for a few laughs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCqDcqiKkww
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